It was an emotional farewell for 24 boys and girls between the ages of 14 and 17 who had spent five days learning and sharing together. In keeping with South Asian tradition, most of them bowed and prostrated in gratitude and respect to the elders who had been their tutors. When they bowed to me, I got a sense of their innocence and felt a genuine happiness for their gratitude for having shared with them in their learning and I, in turn blessed them.
The youth were from six schools in the Tamil Nadu and Maharashtra states in India, participating in a British Council-sponsored experiential-learning program, Dreams + Teams on leadership and teamwork through sports, held at the Chetinaad Vidya Ashram in Chennai in October 2006. I was supporting the lead trainer from Britain to co-facilitate the program with these young leaders and six teachers.
The tradition of bowing to elders is one of the most beautiful acts of gratitude I encounter in Asia. Yet I was not always comfortable when someone bowed to me.
Our Hybrid Tradition
My English educated parents were more informal, perhaps leaning more towards the West in that tradition even though they did live a Buddhist life of humility, compassion, generosity and simplicity. They were part of a hybrid generation with their Christian schooling in colonial Sri Lanka.
My English educated parents were more informal, perhaps leaning more towards the West in that tradition even though they did live a Buddhist life of humility, compassion, generosity and simplicity. They were part of a hybrid generation with their Christian schooling in colonial Sri Lanka.
Hugging was a part of our way of expressing our love and gratitude rather than bowing. So I felt embarrassed when anyone bowed to me. This also came from the notion that no one should feel so subjugated as to go down on their knees to anyone else.
I came to realize that this was my Western notion of individuality, yet I felt liberated when I bowed to my parents on my wedding day.
My partner Samantha was brought up in the tradition of bowing to her elders. Her German-born mother encouraged it as a part of her father's Sri Lankan tradition. I remember feeling awkward doing it on my big day. As I stood up, seeing both my parents' with teary eyes was a significant emotional moment for all of us. Receive a Blessing
In a recent discussion with an elder - I discovered that in bowing, people are not only showing gratitude, but seeking to receive a blessing from you in parting. When someone bows to you, the correct response is to touch the person with love and compassion, blessing them for a happy future and helping them up. It is a return gift of positive energy.
Now I see bowing in a different light. To bow to someone in gratitude and respect, seeking a blessing, needs one to love and respect "self" first. If we can learn to bow to our self, to each other as the human family and to nature - if we can learn to bow with love, trust and humility to receive blessings - we are sharing our common humanity.
Revised from the article in the October 2007 issue of Ode Magazine now called The Intelligent Optimist. http://www.theoptimist.com/magazine/
