Vigilant, Engaged, Rational Citizens Elect Mindful Leaders that Unite

Dwight D. Eisenhower said "I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it."  

Many politicians stand in the way of peace for their own vested interests, or from a sheer lack of self awareness, care and emotional control.  This makes them blind to the impact their words and action have on millions of people. 

In an interconnected, transparent world, our political leaders are under scrutiny unlike any other time and leaders who do well for the world will manage themselves - their emotions and actions and find the power of balance.  

Dee Hock founder of the VISA card wisely said - 

"Without management of self no one is fit for authority no matter how much they acquire, for the more authority they acquire the more dangerous they become.  It is the management of self that should occupy 50 percent of our time and the best of our ability. And when we do that, the ethical, moral and spiritual elements of leadership are inescapable." 

Management of self can only come from self awareness grounded in a practice of mindfulness. 

History provides enough painful narratives about nations divided and ruled by selfish leaders.  The separation of people causes tremendous suffering that can lead to violence and destruction. 

Trumpism - in going back to a primal reptilian emotional place to stoke fears of people who are disadvantaged for much larger reasons than the other’s colour or where they came from – globalization, neo-liberal economics, the World Trade Organization, the Federal Reserve and the likes of Wall Street – Donald Trump, one of the most self obsessed, emotionally immature leaders we have seen in a long time, keeps finding scapegoats and separating his people through fear when they should be coming together to meet its economic, social and climate change challenges.

         

A divided nation is easily tampered with and the USA has a lot more to lose than any of those waiting to pounce on it for 

their own advantage.

Divisive rhetoric of a national leader puts people on edge - separates neighbourhoods, schools, workplaces and even families.  Not only that, a divided nation has a tremendous cost to individuals, communities and institutions, as the dissonance, pain and suffering it generates could end up in a major upheaval and tragedy.

Lessons from Sri Lanka

We never imagined, growing up in a multi-ethnic Sri Lanka in the 1960s and 70s with Tamil, Muslim, Burgher and Sinhala people in relative harmony, that we would end up in a brutal thirty year war starting in the 1980s, which killed almost a 100,000 people.   

In order to make amends to the domination of Tamil bureaucrats and other favours by the British colonial government, the post-independence government of S.W.R.D. Bandaranayake pandered to Sinhala nationalists and denied the Tamil minority, their language and civic rights in 1956.  

Allowing a peaceful group of Tamil protesters in Colombo to be beaten by Sihnala thugs, the country began to squander its ability to come together as one nation, rather than divide along ethnic and language lines. Instead, if Prime Minister Bandaranaike, invited the protesters to a conversation and others also continued a dialogue into the future, perhaps Sri Lanka could have changed the course of history. 

As Sri Lanka liberalized its economy in 1977 aligning with the USA and the west, India played cold war politics to destabilize the country. What better way than to fan the fire by training a cadre of disenfranchised Tamil youth[i], which eventually resulted in the Liberation Tigers of Thamil Ealam (LTTE) - one of the fiercest fighting forces of its time[ii]. 

The Sri Lankan government also walked into a trap of the Sinhala extremists in July 1983.  The riots left hundreds of Tamil people dead and thousands displaced in Colombo and other cities, which brought the country’s deep divisions to international notice. 

Sri Lanka as a sovereign nation lost its cohesion and control as the world deemed it a pariah and the war was fueled through international support and interest.            

As the country was divided and separated with poor leadership, opportunistic politics, stoking xenophobia, outsiders with geopolitical interests and the arms industry took advantage.  

No nation is immune, not the US and not even Canada, if we, the people, do not play our role to keep pluralistic values that hold together the diverse tapestry of humans in harmony.  This requires exemplary, mindful leadership and we, the people, are responsible for putting them into power.

Canada’s Strains

“Why don’t you go back to where you came from” said the young man to a response - “What!, do you want to me to come and build my Teepee in your backyard?” from a First Nations women who was threatened a few days after the tragic October 2014 shooting of Sgt. Nathan Cirillo in Ottawa. 

The young man was bewildered by the response and made a hasty retreat, according to the woman - a Canadian Federal 

Government employee, who was at one of my soft skills training programmes.

This young man would have been emboldened like others who harassed people of colour over the next few days, egged on by Prime Minister Harper’s insinuations of ‘us’ and ‘them’ – differentiating old and new Canadians – implying the ‘them’, the non-white are separate and could be terrorists.  The authorities deemed this a terrorist attack by Canadian born Michael Zehaf-Bibeau - who happened to have a Libyan father and was known to be mentally unstable. 

Nevertheless, the ambiguous yet subtle finger pointing reaction towards Muslims extended to minorities by the Prime Minister, gave license to some ignorant opportunists towards aggression.

These reactions are reptilian, could be driven by a larger fear of the other, now perceived as perpetrating terror, they were also acts of cowardice, as many men picked on women of colour.  Yet it put us all on edge, as the head of Canada was not speaking out on these.

So refreshing was Justin Trudeau at the time, leading the Liberal Party for elections, as his principled fearlessness led him to take a stand on the notion of us and them Canadians. His position on the Niqab (the face covering as a part of the Hijab), which the Harper government was bent on banning for the Canadian citizenship ceremony to begin with, was courageous, as it was a political risk just before elections.

 At a time when the polls showed the Harper conservatives leading, when the security issues were front and centre driven by extreme Islam of a few and the ISIS  - Trudeau did what was right in stating that the government had no right to legislate a dress code and that it was un-Canadian to do so. 

Trudeau was bold enough to say the following, even if it risked losing support of the average Canadian for his fledgling Liberal party at the time;

 “You can dislike the niqab. You can hold it up as a symbol of oppression. You can try to convince your fellow citizens that it is a choice they ought not to make. This is a free country. Those are your rights......But those who would use the state’s power to restrict women’s religious freedom and freedom of expression indulge the very same repressive impulse that they profess to condemn. It is a cruel joke to claim you are liberating people from oppression by dictating in law what they can and cannot wear.”

Then he went onto say;

“But what’s even worse than what they’re saying is what they really mean. We all know what is going on here. It is nothing less than an attempt to play on people’s fears and foster prejudice, directly toward the Muslim faith,”

This brought Harper’s Evangelical Christian religious beliefs, even showing a Social Darwinistic approach of manifest destiny and superiority into light, and the dangerous edge he brought the country towards racial divisiveness. Canadians were more astute and Trudeau’s emphatic response actually put the Harper government on the back foot. 

Trudeau was consistent with his earlier response when former provincial Premier of Quebec, Pauline Marois unveiled her government’s plan to legislate cultural and religious symbols. The Charter of Quebec Values was designed to ban the turban, hijab, head scarf or wearing the cross in the Quebec public sector. Trudeau kept to his values and spoke out in public against it, despite much criticism. 

 

On September 12^th 2013 - Trudeau wrote an article called I have faith in Quebec. So should you in the Globe & Mail newspaper where he said;

 

The PQ government’s plan is divisive, negative and emotional. It is designed to be that way. Quebeckers will reject it.

Quebeckers rose to the occasion to oust Marois’s 18 month old provincial government to even unseat her own riding of Charlevoix-Côte-de-Beaupré.

Canada voted in spades for Trudeau and Liberals at the time, as it showed Canada in its true light – a multicultural, plural nation that is an example to the world that diversity can work with a strong set of values and fearless leadership.

The new Trudeau government also made a commitment to make amends to another glaring separation – our Aboriginal people.   

However, the Liberal government has lost momentum on the reconciliation process, frustrating many aboriginal communities again. As such, we, the people, have to hold them accountable.

Our Aboriginal Pedigree

Historian and writer, John Ralston Saul asserted - we should not be imagining ourselves in the tradition of either, but recognize the country's distinct nature, born of this land, and the integration, not just interaction, of settler and aboriginal life.  

Saul begins his book, A Fair Country: Telling Truths About Canada, by establishing the country's aboriginal pedigree where he says, we all owe many of our best qualities as Canadians to our indigenous peoples’ heritage.

In one of Harper’s rare brilliant moments in June 2008, he made a formal apology to our aboriginal people for the residential schools acknowledging that an absence of an apology gets in the way of reconciliation and he said we are sorry.

His formal statement read in the Indigenous and Northern Affairs website[iii];

Two primary objectives of the Residential Schools system were to remove and isolate children from the influence of their homes, families, traditions and cultures, and to assimilate them into the dominant culture.  These objectives were based on the assumption Aboriginal cultures and spiritual beliefs were inferior and unequal. Indeed, some sought, as it was infamously said, "to kill the Indian in the child".  Today, we recognize that this policy of assimilation was wrong, has caused great harm, and has no place in our country.

What he said then and the follow-up action did not match, making a mockery of the apology, yet it opened the door for a more sincere effort at reconciliation later.  

I was surprised on a trip to North West Territories not long after I came back to Canada in 2011, an aboriginal business leader told me - “We do not tolerate nor do business with people from the south.  I will speak to you because you are not white”.

I was afraid that the fissures I witnessed between mainstream Canada and the First Nations, Inuit and Metis people, now to be one of the fastest growing and advancing communities in Canada, would someday hurt Canada’s cohesion.    

That is why sooner we accept and honour that pedigree the better. That especially goes to us new Canadians to know and accept that history, as we come together and influence each other, into the ever evolving culture of Canada.

Pluralism

Another positive move by the Stephen Harper government was to establish the Global Centre for Pluralism (GCP) in partnership with the Aga Khan to spread Canadian values of pluralistic democracy around the world.

Canada certainly has the credibility right now to do that as the GCP website states[iv] - in too many places, diversity is a source of competition and fear.  Taken to extremes, escalating exclusion leads to oppression, extremism and violence. Rooted in respect and inclusion, pluralism offers a different path. 

More than anything, a commitment to pluralism creates mutual benefits, giving every member of society reason to get along.  

o   When valued rather than feared, human diversity enriches and benefits a society.  

o   Having difference recognized by the state and the nation fosters belonging, participation and equality. 

o   Cultures of inclusion do not erase difference or disagreement; rather, they offer ways to manage conflict peacefully.

o   Majority identities and minority aspirations must be considered.

o   Pluralist societies require ongoing work and investment – by citizens, civil societies and governments – but the returns are enormous. 

That is why we, the voters, globally, have to be vigilant and engaged never to allow in the likes of Pauline Marois, Kelly Leitch, Marine Le Pen, Geert Wilders, even at 95, emotionally immature Robert Mugabe and other unwise, opportunistic individuals to come into power, as they will divide, separate and create dissonance - as we see Trump doing to the USA.   

At a time when the world has to come together to deal with issues of inequality, poverty and most of all, natural calamities, we can ill afford for nations to implode for prejudice and xenophobia.

For that, we, the people, have to ensure we only elect leaders who are mindful, emotionally mature to manage them selves first and understand the implications of the power they wield. 

That is the power of balance that comes from quietening the mind daily for contemplation and reflection through a practice of mindfulness meditation.

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[i] https://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKCOL223047

[ii] Indian intervention in Sri Lanka: The role of India's intelligence agencies

by Rohan Gunaratna

[iii] http://www.aadnc-aandc.gc.ca/eng/1100100015644/1100100015649

[iv] http://www.pluralism.ca/en/

Breaking the Shackles of the Intellect with Mindfulness

Critical thinking can get us to the root causes of why things are the way they are in the world. However, whether it is conflict due to religion or nationalism, climate change, scramble for scarce resources or consumerism driven by Wall Street, even thinking critically may not take us to the ultimate root causes, as our worldview based on intellect blinkers us to the superficial.    

Intellect is derived from our thoughts shaped from the lens of how we see the world, limited through our cultural, religious and social conditioning. This conditioning traps us in our intellect and limits us - as what and how we see things as they are can be fragmented and compartmentalized. Then we are deprived of the big picture, the whole system and all its interconnections and interdependancies.

This fragmentation may cause the divisions that lead to competition and conflict. If we are to truly think critically, we need to balance our intellect with intelligence, and there is a distinct difference between the two.

Intelligence is our capacity to understand the whole truth through perception, observation and insight. To gain intelligence we quiet our minds by stopping the thought process. Thoughts are influenced by the past and conditioned bias is a barrier to awareness of how things really are.

Krishnamurti and David Bohm

Quantum Physicist David Bohm says, “the quietness of the brain is itself the operation of intelligence”. Bohm captured these ideas well in his conversations with Krishnamurti presented in the book, An Uncommon Collaboration[i].  Krishmamurti points out that intellect dominates the world and when that is the case, intelligence has very little space as one dominates the other. 

 Krishnamurti distinguishes thought and intellect from intelligence in this way;

“Thought must have security; it is seeking security in all its movements “, hence we see fear driving the world where people seek safety within their race, community, nation and religion. These are human constructs based on thought that provide people an identity, a place to belong to with emotional attachment for a sense of security.  He goes onto say;   “Intelligence is not seeking security“.  The idea of security does not exist in intelligence, as intelligence itself is secure. 

David Edmund Moody, author of An Uncommon Collaboration[ii] states; 

“In seeking security, thought has created nationalism, for example, although nationalism is in fact a great danger to the individual.  Intelligence, by contrast, is capable of seeing that danger and therefore can use thought to create an entirely different world.” 

We live in a world driven by thought with tension and fear, divided between nations - developed and developing; north and south, dominated by wealth, race and religion.  Often ad-hoc lines demarcate nations that require protecting borders to secure its people, economies and its resources from fellow humans.  

Yet humans have so much in common with each other – the way we think, feel, hurt and bleed.  We are all an integral part of the very nature we inhabit.  However, the intellect has trapped us in a conditioned emotional construct that divide us.

Intelligence through Mindfulness

If intelligence is to emerge in a world that is fraught with the fragmented intellect, gaining intelligence requires us to quiet the mind.  A mindfulness practice may just be the way to that quiet space.  

Quiet reflection may provide insights to move us from the conditioned to an unconditioned space - which for some can be scary - as the conditioned provides anchors in family, community, religion, race, the nation and material things - the attachments we identify with. 

The Root Cause of Suffering

The Buddha said the root cause of suffering is attachment. 

When we are dependent on our attachments - be it identity, nation, race or religion -  they can be insulted, threatened or taken away against our will.  Then we are compelled to protect and defend it, whether it is real or not in the mind. This is a burden many of us carry that makes us afraid of others who we perceive as enemies.

Then we are vulnerable to fall prey to a preacher or demagogue - religious or political, to incite the intellect to act out the fears of the other, as the other is perceived as separate, not connected to us and a threat.   

Intelligence illuminates that everything is interconnected and when we hurt the other, we harm ourselves.

Intelligence enables us to take religion, dogma, the nation, race and ideology that may divide us with a pinch of salt. 

Unbiased critical thinking enables us to discern to assess whether any narrative will hate and harm or connect with love. Intelligence helps make that distinction to take responsibility for self to overcome attachment to superficial identity constructs, as they take us on a path of separation, violence and destruction.      

That is why our sacred time for quiet is crucial, to focus on the breath - meditate to move away from the intellect - from fragmented thought to be holistic, to realize and be humbled by the insights of our oneness with nature.   

Imagine

Imagine if our political, business and religious leaders had this wisdom. They may seek another path with insight to stem the suffering that comes from culling the earth of its natural habitat, the poor and the weak - so a select few can live well.  

That is the delusion of the status quo - Narcissus staring at its own reflection in a pond to think it is real.  Intelligence may reveal that the image is in water, impermanent and will disappear with movement. 

The ultimate reality is that nature will have its last say. The folly of those who think we the human, arrogant with intellect can control nature with science and technology, can only come from fragmented thinking of the intellect alone. That will reap its own karma.

As I walk this path of mindfulness, I witness many others waking up to this reality – spirituality rising, intelligence emerging at the grass roots, seeking meaning and purpose to balance the intellect with love and connection and eventually, intelligence will prevail, as nature has a way of finding homeostasis.

Buddha’s Four Noble Truths

Buddha’s path is about ending the 'samsara' of the cycle of life. Those who fear that the earth is too crowded need not fret, as according to the Buddha and other teachers who followed, there will be a natural culling as more humans become enlightened, not to be born again on this earth to suffer, but to enjoy the joys of Nirvana.

That awareness dawns only through wise action and meditation to quiet the chatter of thoughts to realize three insights;

Anicca; the impermanence of life,

Dukkha; the unsatisfactoriness of life,

Anatta; the realization of the non existence of self. 

These insights according to the Buddha’s four noble truths[iii], will cease desire and end our attachments and suffering.   

I know them intellectually and the more I quiet my mind patiently and diligently, the more I realize them intelligently. With that realization, I shed weight off my shoulders, to rid the burdens of attachment to mindlessly achieve more and more, to conquer and grow in a materialistic world. 

I am also not attached to my hybrid Sri-Lankan/Canadian identity. It has shaped me, yet does not define me, so I am not burdened by it. I identify with our common humanity, as I feel happy and touched when any human does well and sad when another suffers, just the same with animals. I realize my connection to the tree as I meditate under one and inquire into where the substance of my breath originates.  

Culling material attachments is easier than dealing with my familial dependencies, so I humbly accept the joys and suffering that go with it for now.  That is my current plane of existence, as I continue to practice mindfulness and insight and it may change with time, as I take responsibility for my journey. 

Ultimately the Buddha did tell us to take responsibility for ourselves in the Kalama Sutta[iv] and this is why I am not attached to Buddhism;

 “Rely not on the teacher, but on the teaching.  Rely not on the words of the teaching, but on the spirit of the words. Rely not on the theory, but on experience.  Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.  Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.  Do not believe anything because it is spoken by many.  Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.

...But by observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it”                                                                                              Kalama Sutra – the Buddha

This seems then a path to intelligence – to mindfully inquire to create awareness to gain insight to find the truth.

However, do not take my word for it... quiet your thoughts, focus on your breath to align mind, body and nature to find your own way to break the shackles of your intellect to balance with intelligence.   

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Imagine there is no heaven, it’s easy if you try; No hell below us, above us only sky.  Imagine all the people living for today..... Imagine there is no countries, it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.  Imagine all the people, living a life of peace.... John Lennon

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[i] An Uncommon Collaboration – David Bohm and J. Krishnamurti by David Edmund Moody

[ii] An Uncommon Collaboration – p 81

[iii] https://www.britannica.com/topic/Four-Noble-Truths

[iv] Kalama Sutta: To the Kalamas, translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Parents and Good Citizens

Gabi Szabadi, Ottawa based investor and mentor was surprised when I described myself as a parent and an entrepreneur.  He said, “So what - everyone is a parent”, to which I responded “There are parents and there are PARENTS”. 

As we settled into a lunch and a rich conversation in an Ottawa restaurant, also joined by Cindy Sezlik a leading Ottawa real estate agent, I went on to tell them how I took 6 – 8 weeks off every year to travel and spend time with the family.  It was especially important in those early years as I was away a lot on business.  This family time took a major financial hit, yet my wife Samantha and I knew, we were making another kind of investment with our children.  

I would also schedule my work and business trips around significant events like, birthdays, sports meets, concerts - so I was there to support and cheer them on.  

The Rules of Engagement

With the first born Sacha - Samantha set some rules of engagement and communications, which I initially resisted.  She proposed that we never argue nor contradict each other in his presence.  While she adhered, I had a hard time taking them seriously at the time, as I favour going with the flow and not comfortable with imposed boundaries. 

With time, I realized, as a significant person to the child, indulging in my emotions or being inconsistent in the way I acted may have adverse effects.  It could confuse or make him fearful and impact on his confidence and self esteem, as he tries to find his place in the world.   

As boundaries were important, Samantha also set a strict schedule for eating and sleeping, which I thought also, too rigid at the time.  In between the schedule, he had plenty of freedom to play, roam and explore, even do seemingly dangerous things like climb trees where he pushed his limits to discover self.

As the other kids were born, I saw a system and process in place, which made home life more organized and less frantic, and the children having a lot of leeway within the boundaries.  

The framework provided logical, rational references for everyone and that enabled the family to have some emotional equilibrium.  Everyone knew the rules, so breaking them had consequences - like me not being able to see the kids if I came home after 7 pm, as they were in bed by then.  Even though I felt frustrated not to play with them, I knew I had to deal with my emotion internally, as there was an agreement in place.

The Sacred Dinner Time

Another request Samantha made of me was to come home for family dinner.  This was a challenge in a social Colombo, Sri Lanka – the rugby and cricket club-houses often beckoned me for a pint on the way home.  Again, I realized due to my constant travelling, I was losing my relationship with the children. 

As I settled into the ritual of family dinner and as they got older, the conversation became interesting, lively and meaningful and at times, very challenging due to strong opinions coming from different positions.  

Asserting themselves in their own way, the power dynamics of the older vs younger took shape and we all realized the need to compromise, to give and take in order to honour everyone at the table.  We were also able to discuss some grave issues - the threats and the consequences of the civil war and poverty around us, which gave them an opportunity to voice their hopes and fears and to learn to be resilient, yet sensitive to all that.    

Lake Louise, Alberta - Summer 2016 

I attribute the wonderful and rewarding friendship I have with them now as adults, to the meaningful time we shared together in their formative years.  A real testament to this is the fact that they decided to quit jobs and significant others to do a 6 week family road trip across Canada and the USA in 2016.

Building Self Esteem

An important lesson I learned through my research and work with organizations, schools, teachers and youth was about emotional intelligence and self esteem.  Self esteem is predicated on our belief of how significant others see and judge us.  It begins first with parents, in the way we love, nurture and give feedback.  I realized the power of communications – language, words, tone and most importantly, how we walk the talk that shape the children’s view of self and the world.

It did not mean heaping praise when it was not deserved, yet to recognize and appreciate good behaviour and outcomes - like winning a race, a prize or when they were generous or stood up for what is right.  It also meant having those tough conversations with reason, when they over stepped their bounds, to help them change the behaviour without humiliating them.   

Here, we had to manage our emotions first to be logical and rational.  This was not always easy, as I fell prey to my emotions and lost it every so often.  Even if I did - making amends - apologizing for my reaction became a way to show them I was a fallible human being too.

Creating a happy, joyful and a positive home also gave the children a sense of security and well-being, which fed their confidence and self esteem.  That meant, Samantha and I had to manage our own challenges and differences - and there were many.  

Samantha and I were explicit in acting within the Value of respect.  It meant not swearing or using the word “hate”, as words posses a powerful energy.  These ground rules also applied for our relationship with our own professional and domestic staff, who could be taken advantage of, if those discussions were not had.

Eva Olsson’s Advice to Parents

Eva at the Ottawa Carleton School District Board Talk - April 2017 

As I listened to the horrific story of Eva Olsson’s life as a Holocaust survivor, at the recent Ottawa Carleton District School Board talk to parents and students, she spoke fondly of the loving, yet simple home she and her siblings had grown up near Budapest, Hungary.  Even though they were financially poor, she said she was rich from the love and care of her mother and the discipline of her father.

This gave her a sense of security, self esteem and the confidence to survive the horrors of Auschwitz, as she had the will to live along with her sister, when most of her family perished.  What happened to her and millions of others were out of hate and prejudice that was perpetuated by Hitler and the Nazi regime.  She said, that had to come from their own family foundations.  

She insisted on the responsibility of parents to instill in them love, compassion, generosity and the courage to be a positive force in this world.  She went on to say, “teach them to participate in the world, speak up for what is right and wrong”.  She urged us not to be bystanders, as they were as culpable watching on as the genocide took place.  She echoed Martin Luther King’s words - “In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends”.

Finally, she reminded us to follow a simple rule - “when a child comes calling to you, stop whatever you are doing and give them your full attention”.  That simple act of respect, she said, lets them know they are honoured by the most significant persons in their life, which then extends to the world. 

Richard and Shelagh - CBC Photo

The next day as I was driving to Toronto, I listened with sadness to Shelagh Rogers on CBC’s Next Chapter paying a tribute to the Canadian aboriginal writer Richard Wagamese who had just passed away.

When I read his heart wrenching novel Indian Horse, I knew it came from deep within and mirrored his residential school experience.  Wagamese was a man with many demons from his own past, when he was taken away from his home at a young age.  That history spilled over to colour the relationship with his sons.

Having listened to so many first hand stories at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings in Ottawa of the Canadian Indigenous people - who were plucked away as children from their homes to residential schools, to rid them of their own culture, beliefs, language and parental influence - I related to Eva Olsson’s comment about the strength and resolve she had to survive the holocaust came from the loving and safe home she had in her formative years.  She was 19 when their life got disrupted.

Wagamese addressed his own father-son relationship in his next novel Medicine Walk about a father, Eldon Starlight and his son Franklin’s story.  I sensed, this novel also emerged from deep within him.

In his interview with Shelagh Rogers, he said writing Medicine Walk, was a very personal story for the father he never met and for his own sons with whom, he had a scattered relationship with.

Wagamese sees Medicine Walk not just as his story, but as the story of any Canadian indigenous family.  He said. "The lack of a significant parent is really, really a profound sorrow, a profound loss.  It's a bruise that never really heals."

Wagamese may have had some closure with the story about him and his sons, but the story of Eldon and Franklin is far from over. "There's too much stuff in this story that could not be resolved in one novel."

Gratitude to My Parents

I feel so blessed that I had wonderful loving, generous and humble yet strong willed parents, and a gracious grandmother.  I am also fortunate that before my parents passed away, I had closure with them, giving them thanks and gratitude for what they had done for me.  Them moving on in peace was a gift to all of us.

Gabi Szabadi e mailed me after our meaningful conversation over lunch – He said “you have a wonderful life balance and you’re a complete and well rounded person”. 

That was really a tribute to my parents Chandra and Karunasena Gunaratne, grandmother Grace Violet Perera, as much as it was to Samantha, as they all taught and influenced me so much.  Gabi’s e mail, coming from a generous mentor who influences and impacts on so many young lives, meant much to me.

The most important is my ongoing deep relationship with our children and looking back, it was not all perfect.  I have no regrets, as I know I did my best to help them become strong and grounded to assert their power in their own way, yet to be loving and compassionate to live well and be resilient in an uncertain impermanent world.   

The ultimate objective as a parent is to ensure that we nurture a child to discover themselves through relationships, become a responsible adult, find the power of balance to be a good citizen to contribute, bring joy and happiness to this world.       

 “No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.” 

― Plato

NOTE: We were also inspired by Kahlil Gibran's wisdom on parenting which I wrote about in an earlier blog -  https://lalithanandagunaratne.blogspot.com/2014/10/set-our-children-free-to-find-their.html