Paki Bashing and Race Relations – How Bill Davis and Roy McMurtry Worked to Establish a Thriving Multicultural Society in 1970s Ontario

I grew up in Toronto in the 1970s and 80s when there seemed a kinder gentler politics around.   I had met Conservative Premier of Ontario, Bill Davis a few times and I campaigned for Attorney General Roy McMurtry in his Eglinton riding in the early 80s. I supported them for their positive policies in the 70s and 80s on inclusive race relations and their genuine efforts to make newcomers – the visible minorities welcome to Ontario at a time fraught with racial prejudice for South Asians – the “Paki bashing”I experienced on the streets.    

I had just turned fifteen in April 1974 and it was the day after moving to an apartment on Parkwoods Village Drive in Don Mills.  At the end of the first day of my new school, Donview Heights Junior High, I took a walk exploring the area at dusk towards Parkway Plaza.  I did not think much of the three boys who were walking towards me and suddenly I was on the ground being punched and kicked and for the first time to hear “Paki go home”. 

I was confused, scared and angry, did not know what they meant to call me 'Paki' at the time.  I stumbled to our apartment building bruised and battered, sat on the stairwell crying not wanting to show my face to my parents, yet I had to relent and go in.  When my mother asked me, I said I fell down the stairs and knew she did not believe me.

The next day in school, a new friend, Dominic Cursio asked what happened and I inquired what Paki meant and he replied, “That is a bad word for you guys".  He educated me on similar derogatory words for Africans, Italians and instructed - “Don’t take it man - fight back”. 

I did fight back, as on another day walking along a hallway, a youth lined to enter a class called me 'Paki'.  I reacted with a body slam onto the lockers and as the startled boy fell to the ground the teacher ran out to grab me and said, “That’s it, you are going to the Principal”.  As we were about to enter the office I managed to tell him, “That guy called me a Paki” and he immediately turned around to walk me back to the boy and asked him to apologize to me. 

Imagine my surprise!  

I realized then that this teacher had no issue with my colour, along with other teachers, administrators and most of the schoolmates I encountered.

There were the blatant few who did make me feel vulnerable.  Soon I learned that they were cowards, as whenever I challenged them, most retreated, except on the few occasions where I had to fight and on another - running was the best option rather than fight four.  

In the fall of 1979 - I took on three youth at Eglinton and Weston Road about 11 pm after I got off my job at Queensbury Arms restaurant.  That time I was saved by an Italian Pizza delivery person when he stopped his FIAT on the middle of the road, and another good Samaritan who gave me a ride to the Eglinton Subway - giving me reason to be optimistic about Canada. 

A Culture and a System that Honours Diversity

Through this tumultuous time I learned that the average Canadian was inherently open to welcome a stranger. Perhaps, this can be attributed to John Ralston Saul's assertion in his book A Fair Country that Canada's Aboriginal  culture to welcome, accommodate and include strangers to the circle is embedded in the Canadian psyche.  

I also realized that there has to be policies and laws to protect us from the mean and prejudiced few.  The most difficult kind of prejudice to deal with would be institutional and covert in nature – be it from an employer, a landlord or even an officer of the law. 

The Ontario government initiatives gave me comfort that, even if the streets were unsafe at times, a process and a system was being institutionalized to deal with discrimination.     

These initiatives showed how Canada, in the 1970s and 80s, was truly setting the stage as a multicultural, plural nation.  As I was politically interested and engaged, I began to learn about the pioneering race relations efforts of the Ontario government led by Conservative Premier Bill Davis.

Around this time Toronto was shamed when Shamsudin Kanji, a Tanzanian-Indian immigrant was assaulted at a subway station by two white youth and thrown onto the tracks. He committed suicide in hospital after both his legs were amputated.

With Mayor Gus Harris
Scarborough Civic Center 1983

All this prompted me to get involved in the Scarborough Community and Race Relations Committee established by Mayor Gus Harris and worked on initiatives to bring better cultural awareness and harmony in the changing face of our neighborhoods.   

Meeting the Pioneers - Bill Davis and Roy McMurtry

I met Premier Bill Davis when I was a volunteer cameraman with my father and a friend, Razvi Azeez around 1980 at Scarborough Cable TV for a talk show - People Participation hosted by South Asian host of Pakistani origin, Sydney Zaidi. 
 

Premier Davis made a lasting impression on me as I had an opportunity to chat with him after recording the interview.  I remember his genuine curiosity and interest about where I was from, what I was doing and planning for the future.  His gentleness, humility and disarming smile was a pleasant surprise and I realized that my colour did not make an iota of difference to him.  

Meeting Premier Bill Davis  for tea at Queens Park 1981
(L-R) myself, Jasvir Soor,The Premier, Sydney Zaidi, Jim Ball

I met him another time when he invited a few of us community volunteers for tea at Queens Park - again the conversations confirmed what a statesman he was.

I got to know Roy McMurtry similarly through the talk show and realized he was a decent man too and as Attorney General he made race relations his priority, especially as the South Asian community was increasing many fold with the influx of East African Indians.

Hon. Roy McMurtry - <Wikipedia>

Mr. McMurtry backed by Premier Davis, encouraged the creation of the Mayors’ Committees on Race Relations in Ontario.  He established a race relations division in the Human Rights Commission.  He was also aggressive on the law enforcement side, giving special attention to the activities of racist organizations whose leaders he encouraged to convict and jail. 

His efforts got the Court of Appeal to agree that any assault that was motivated by racism should be treated more severely in sentencing.  

I remember our family friend and Crown Prosecutor, Kingsley Wijesinha, telling me a story when he sought and won a conviction for assault. The accused called him a Paki as he was escorted from the courtroom.  The Judge who heard this called him back and added another year to his jail sentence. Later the Criminal Code of Canada was amended to reflect this principle.

McMurtry also persuaded the Ontario cabinet to issue an official policy statement on race relations from the government of Ontario. The policy statement was developed and displayed in thousands of public places, including classrooms throughout the province.

Electioneering

Being aware of these efforts, I decided to canvass for McMurtry with a few friends in his Eglinton riding for the March 1981 elections.  I spent a few days walking door to door, dropping leaflets and speaking to surprised people. 

Many were intrigued by a visible minority being active in the community and politics, at a time when it was rare.  The positive interactions informed me more about this inherent Canadian nature of acceptance.

I remember the joyful victory night with beer flowing, music, dancing and Mr. McMurtry being genuinely grateful for our participation.  I felt it well deserved for a decent man who worked hard to make life better for us in Canada.

In an address titled Investing in Our Diversity at the 

Urban Alliance in Toronto, on April 19^th 2007, the Hon Roy McMurtry, as Chief Justice of Ontario said; 

My many years as a lawyer, Attorney General, and as Chief Justice of Ontario, have made plain for me this palpable truth: the law alone is not enough to protect those who are of different colour, or those who profess a different religion. The law will never be enough, by itself, because there is no legislature in the world capable of legislating ultimate principles.

You cannot legislate to what degree a man must love his neighbour, nor even that he must not hate him. It is, I think, true of tolerance as it is of liberty, that, in the words of justice learned first hand: “...it lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no court, no law can save it; no constitution, no court, no law can even do much to help it; but while it is alive, it needs no constitution, no court and no law to save it”.

Well said, Mr. McMurtry - that conditioning to be kind, open and accepting humans has to begin with parenting, schools and media.  

Yet I knew the importance of setting a standard with legislation as a deterrent, as there is always recourse.   

I did realize that I had to take responsibility too.  As much as I appreciated the laws being there, I knew as a newcomer, I had to reach out too - to engage, communicate and educate people - take away the fears of a stranger, to build friendships, trust and community, as it is a matter of the heart and mind and it is a two way street.

This meant being patient with people who mispronounced my name or thought we all lived in mud huts in Sri Lanka or were surprised I spoke English or knew the same songs, had a car or played Rugby back there.  I realized that reaching out, being open and patient led to good relationships and people opened up and invited us to their homes too, as we opened ours.   

While the Canadian welcome complemented by far reaching policies and laws has created a vibrant and a colorful urban Canadian landscape, I do lament and am concerned about so many distinct people in cities like Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver becoming separated and polarized in language, religious and ethnic based schools and communities. 

When these Canadians miss opportunities to interact and learn about each other to become comfortable with the rich diversity of their neighbours, fissures in the multicultural and plural foundation of Canada may appear.  It is our collective responsibility to ensure that the original intent of these policies and laws are nurtured and perpetuated for unity and harmony.  

Its About Leadership

Haroon Siddiqui, Toronto Star Columnist published an article called Bill Davis and the art of human politics on August 9^th, 2009 paying tribute to him on his 80^th birthday.

Siddiqui wrote;

There was a time not that long ago when there were other ways of becoming famous, such as holding public office and serving the people in a modest, civilized manner. Bill Davis epitomized that ethos.

In 1982, when a determined Pierre Trudeau was not willing to compromise on the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, the provinces wanted leeway to override certain sections (the Notwithstanding Clause), it was the Conservative Bill Davis who convinced Trudeau to relent at the last moment - such was his personal power.

Section 27 of the Charter is what defined Canada as a multicultural nation.  

All this pioneering work by both Bill Davis, Roy McMurtry in Ontario, and Pierre Trudeau for Canada make them my Canadian heroes. 

McMurtry cites a threat from a white supremacist leader as a traitor to their race to thwart this important work, so we know all the risks that go with "doing the right thing" that may not be popular with the status quo (1).  

With Hon Alvin Curling at Queens Park 1988 

Their good work institutionalized multiculturalism, leading to wider acceptance and enabling astute and talented people like Hon Alvin Curling from Jamaica to be selected the Speaker of the Legislative Assembly of Ontario from 2003 to 2006; and Hon Yasir Naqvi of Pakistani origin to be elected to the Ontario Parliament from Ottawa Centre, a predominantly white Canadian riding to become a minister; and to the rainbow cabinet of the new Trudeau government in October 2015.

I take this opportunity to pay tribute to these brave and pioneering leaders - Bill Davis, Roy McMurtry, Pierre Trudeau and everyone else who laid the foundations for the truly multicultural and plural Ontario and Canada for now and for the future.     

Thank you.

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(1) In a Letter addressed to Roy McMurtry by David Duke,The Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan wrote "In the name of the white race - take heed that your nefarious anti-white activities are being monitored and recorded by our international Klan movement. If you persist in your treacherous activities against the white race, I can assure you that there can only be grave consequences"  - Speech at Urban Alliance - Toronto 19th April 2007.

Power of Balance or Power of Trump

Power of Balance is an interesting combination of words at a time the material world is beginning to realize that brute power and force or the power of money and position alone is not enough to make a meaningful difference in life.  

I first found these words as coined by action inquiry leadership guru, Bill Torbet in his book The Power of Balance: Transforming Self, Society, and Scientific Inquiry. In his treatise, he contradicts the popular wisdom that "all power corrupts" and that we can find a balance through an inward focus on self with a practice of action inquiry.[i]  http://www.williamrtorbert.com/action-inquiry/

However, history is littered with unmindful leaders who have not had that balance.  Some even began with good intentions, to eventually mete out misery to many, as they simply did not have the self knowledge to realize their limitations.

Nelson Mandela, on the other hand, stands out as the most well balanced leader of our time, as he came out of his 27 year incarceration to bring harmony to a potential powder keg, at the end of apartheid in South Africa. 

There are others - like the humble, yet principled former President of Uruguay, Jose Mujica; founder of the Body Shop Anita Roddick promoting responsibility and business practice through executive education; Ray Anderson who transformed an environmentally friendly carpet company with Interface; Mindful about the earth's sustainability, Sir Mark Moody Stuart, former Chairman of Shell started a Shell solar venture only to be shut down soon after his departure; Ratan Tata head of Tata Group in India continuing the Gandhian concept of trusteeship; Paul Polman of Unilever going against the grain with ethical practices in a difficult business; Vancouver based, generous real estate mogul Joe Segal; self effacing billionaire investor Warren Buffet sharing their wealth for the greater good.

These leaders epitomize a power of balance - poise and grace to discerningly influence the world with their words and actions.  They, certainly, posses the power of position and money - they are smart, strategic and tough, probably with a high IQ, yet they seem to balance all that with a humility by managing themselves, which only highly emotionally intelligent people can.     

Then there is Donald Trump.  

Trump mania makes it all the more curious as to how a loud, brash blow hard gets so much attention and political support - makes him an amazing inquiry.  People seem mesmerized by Trump, the phenomena – perhaps because so many are fed up with politics and spin.  Yet do people realize that they are potentially handing over power to someone who seem totally fearless, not in touch with reality, perhaps not even realizing the dangers of that fearlessness?.    

Here, I am not talking about Donald Trump the person, the spouse, the father, the friend, the boss, as I do not know him in that way.  I am sure there is a reasonable man behind this and he could not have got to where he is without inspiring and motivating people to action.  I am referring to Trump the phenomena - seemingly power drunk and lacking any boundaries, as anything is fair game - people seem so enamored with.

The Fear Factor

If leadership is about balance, fear helps us to keep that balance, as with fear of consequences, we temper our physical and material power to overcome another, even kill another, which is the most primal and reptilian action we can take.  Trump’s fearlessness comes from his material wealth unlike
Buffet, who have money but are more discerning and reasonable to not indulge in their power.     

It is curious that Trump can say anything that comes to his mouth about anything and anyone, even be a fear monger - and at the moment at least, there are no consequences, except, his popularity is growing.

This also reflects on the people who support him.  Do they feel so powerless to hand over power to one who unabashedly boasts about the might of his money and the “heaven’s mandate” to rule?.  

 

This epitomizes  “might makes right” as, if you cross the mighty - you are insulted, taken to task, thrown out of the room - you have to reckon with his absolute power.

 

Nature’s Laws

Yet the wise realize that nature balances on its own laws.  Our body’s endocrine balance - homeostatis and feedback loops that regulate our energy and the entire system to keep our organs functioning for our health and well-being, is nature’s balance at work. This is the same for our earth, which we have put out of balance with our own indulgence to control nature with the machine run on oil. That is the delusional arrogance and fearlessness and the notion that with might we can control nature. It is Narcissus looking at its own reflection on the water and thinking it is real. Trump, the phenomena, and the supporters epitomize this.   

Nature’s balance extends to us humans to co-exist in the world – there is give and take, compromise in life to find that middle path, which begins with mindfulness, good intentions, thoughts and action.   

Our Reptilian and Limbic Natures

To live well in a society we have to balance between our reptilian and limbic natures. The reptilian is our primal brain to survive and flourish and if we indulge in the reptilian, we seek selfish extremes for power, which impinges on other beings and not sustainable.  

That is why the balance comes from the rational limbic part of the brain – the seat of compassion that lends us to cooperate and create community based on love and mutual respect.  This dance between the two is what helps us to live with self and others around us in relative harmony.    

As we seek power, we test the limits and we pull back – its emotions like fear, shame and guilt for most that balances fearless extremes and arrogance with humility and decorum, to be accepted as a part of the human community.  We find that power of balance through mindfulness, as we become aware of our actions and consequences. 

Plato and Balance

Plato inquired into why power corrupts and the balance needed for integrity and justice to create the conditions for harmony.

In The Republic, Plato introduced the character, Thrasymachus, who argues that “might makes right.”  Yet Thrasymachus is confronted by a Socratic question.

Would not brute power used unilaterally have a different result from that we intended?.

History is littered with indulgent leaders who's intentions went awry with the outcomes to destroy and hurt so many.   Hitler did not intend the outcome he got for Germany in 1945, nor did Bush, Blair and friends - the outcome from their misadventure in Iraq. Neither will DAESH (ISIS and ISIL) who mete out their own misery to millions, meet their intention of a Caliphate, as it does not honour a fundamental balance required for a resilient and sustainable earth – an authentic partnership culture between man, woman and nature.     

Trump, the phenomena, is also deluded with the might of man and that the power he has within his private empire can be replicated in a complex diverse world of politics.      

Power Corrupts

Lord Acton's famous line, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” shows  that the greater one's unilateral power, the more unbalanced and enslaved to one's irrational reptilian desires one can become, the less one is considerate to one's impact on oneself and others.  

In his book Memoirs, Canada’s late Prime Minister, Pierre Trudeau wrote about his decision to step down from politics – "The philosopher George Santayana defines happiness as taking ‘the measure of your powers’.  That night I took the measure of mine.  It was time to go home”.  Measure of our own powers can only be taken through an inward, mindful reflection. 

I really wonder, if Trump could take a “measure of his own powers”?.   

Yet it is the voters who have to heed Thomas Jefferson when he said, “The government you elect is the government you deserve”.

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[i] Action inquiry is a lifelong process of transformational learning that individuals, teams, and whole organizations can undertake if they wish to become:

§  increasingly capable of listening into the present moment from which the future emerges;

§  increasingly alert to the dangers and opportunities of the present moment; and

§  increasingly capable of performing in effective, transformational, and sustainable ways. – Bill Torbet

Anchor on the Power of Values - The Process and Practice

The Process:

Every so often a client calls me to help a manager deal with an errant team.  They could be senior people in a technical area, sometimes have their own teams to lead, required to work together as a cross functional team to deliver the product or service. Often they are personality clashes even fraught with allegations of racism, so being foisted into such a situation is to enter a Lion’s den.  

I don’t blame any particular person for these situations, except that in the modern organization, busy keeping up with the lightening speed of change, with high expectations and doing more with less, have let go of a fundamental piece of management, which is to lead – do all the soft stuff to keep a team humming. 

I find most managers in these situations barely hold onto the reins, micro-managing and fire fighting to keep it moving forward, so there is no time to even breathe, let alone lead.  This way of working and the system that supports it breeds a reptilian behaviour among the team – competition, a lack of trust, disrespect – leading to a drop in quality and productivity and more insidious, health and well being threats to the team members. 

I have to be creative to help them to help themselves and come out unscathed, especially if the expectation is that I have a magic wand.  I need to then anchor this situation on a foundation.    

Anchor on Values

I ask the manager, “does your organization have a set of Values?”.  There is a usual pause, perhaps a feeling of embarrassment as I prompt the manager with, “It is ok, most organizations with articulated Values have not shared them properly.  They are too busy working”.  

 

I explain that one way to bring everyone to a common platform is to ground this intervention from a non-threatening place – it is not about them, it can be about Values.

I am relieved when the manager sends me the Values.  There are the standard - Respect, Integrity and Professionalism + articulated in a variety of ways. 

I integrate the Values as a part of the hand out material and on the day, after the introductions, provide a perspective to take away the notion from a few at least – “this guy is here because of me”.   I focus on the collective to come together for a common cause and Values are a wonderful way to rally a team together. 

Values Alive 

The most important part of Values is about transforming the words to life - the link to behaviours and actions. 

I begin by asking each participant to reflect on what these Values mean and write them, in terms of behaviours - "what I expect of myself and others".  I ask them to assess whether the team works within these and put a mirror on self too – not an easy task.  The idea is to internalize the exercise, rather than it being an impersonal intellectual one.  

As each participant writes their thoughts, I ask people to pair up and compare notes to find common ground.  Typically, with a team of about 12 people, I then ask to expand the group-work to 4 people.  By this time, the energy level is getting better, as people voice their ideas and articulate feelings and needs, in relation to the Values – there is also a sense of ownership brewing.  

The Code of Practice 

After seeking comments in a plenary, I invite the entire team to self-facilitate a session to articulate and list a common Code of Practice for the team based on the Values. 

After about 20 minutes the team comes up with 4-5 items for the code. 

As we regroup, I ask for comments and reflections on their Code of Practice – is everyone in agreement, is it realistic, can it be monitored and evaluated, how can it be reinforced, will it help them to focus better on their work, to be rational and logical?. 

This usually raises some excitement with the possibilities and expectations, as everyone is stressed out - drained from the negative energy derived from the status-quo of constant storming and conflict.

I facilitate a discussion on how they would make this Code of Practice a reality and what strategies they would use to do so. 

Typically, they come up with ideas like;

• Begin every team meeting by reflecting on the Code of Practice
• Everyone should make a copy and put on their workstation
• Share with the family and have a copy at home, on the fridge or a notice board.
• Recognize and reward each other for trying hard to     follow the code 

• Wit this simple exercise on Values - we are able to deflect the acrimonious relationships that were a result of not having a behavioral framework to stay within.  The most important part of this process is that the team did it themselves – so there is meaning and purpose in being guided by their own Code of Practice. There is ownership for the process and the outcome.
  

The Practice:

Moving away from the Reptilian Refuge

When work is challenging and relationships are difficult, the threat takes us to a reptilian reaction for self preservation and there is no need to apologize for that.  This is the "storming" part that is a natural part of every team as they "form" to move towards "performing".

 

 

Tuckman's Team Development Process

The "storming" stage can be fraught with anxiety and fear that may result in disrespectful behaviour - phantom demons lurking around the corner - as our imagination and ego runs wild at 750 words per minute with ruminative thoughts like, “he does not like me, so I am getting all the messy jobs” or “I am going to get a bad performance evaluation because of my colleague and they are trying to push me out of my job”.

 

These thoughts may be totally irrational. Yet when we are stuck in a situation it is difficult to see the wood from the trees. Having an anchor of Values, and an agreement of how we are going to behave when the chips are down, as things go wrong, mistakes are made – are we going to run for cover, point fingers, get mad at each other or, we can to take a deep breath and get some space to assess the scene, as we had agreed through the Code of Practice?.   

This way, we seek a more skillful path towards "norming" and "performing"by acting positively when there is potential for conflict, for more clarity and understanding based on trust, so the collective emotional fallout from any situation is minimized, making room for rational and logical ways to solve the issue and move forward.  

Mindful Personal Practice

Having a Code of Practice alone may not suffice for many.  We require some tools and the skill to pause, to catch ourselves first before we react when things go wrong.  One way to do this is a through process I have incorporated based on the Non Violent Communications (NVC) practice. 

When I perceive a threat, I take a deep breath and ask 4 questions for clarity; 

    1.    What am I observing?

    2.    What am I feeling?

    3.    What am I needing?

    4.    What am I requesting myself to do?

Practicing this on a regular basis with patience helps me to internalize the process and make it habitual. As we rarely have the luxury of time to ask all the questions at the heat of the moment, at least, I am training myself to take a deep breath and say “observe”.   

This stops my auto-pilot reaction, giving me space of 5 seconds to recognize the negative energy I am getting dragged into and gain clarity to act differently.    

When we gain the space to act more skillfully, the clarity of the Code of Practice is a good anchor to fall back on.  

Then again, we are all fallible beings, we will drop the ball every so often, we may utter a word in a certain tone in haste, we may not feel up to it that day – it is to give each other the benefit of the doubt and to believe that most people have good intentions with an open heart to work together to find meaning and purpose in our work.    

I have seen great organizations and I have seen some move from not being so good to great organizations. Apart from exemplary leadership (The Level 5 Leader – humility yet toughness to move forward with a vision), when each team member takes personal responsibility to live the Values through the Code of Practice, we can create a happy workplace to be productive and thrive in.

Commit to a set of core Values that you will want to build your enterprise on, without changing them, for 100 years” – 

Jim Collins – Author of Good to Great.

A Reconciliation Story from Sri Lanka

I was privileged to be a Leadership Trainer and Consultant to the British Council in Sri Lanka during the period 2000 – 2011 mostly at the height of the civil war.  Sanjeevani Munasinghe, head of programs at the council, in the delivery of programs, ensured that we contributed towards peace in our own small way.  We not only mixed the genders, we also mixed Sinhala,Tamil and Muslim schools in most of the programs (Dreams + Teams, Connected Classrooms, Intercultural Dialogue and more) to help keep the grass roots together as the government and the Liberation Tamil Tigers of Ealam fought the horrible war.    

The story below comes from an Intercultural Dialogue program  my colleague Mihirini De Zoysa – Corporate Druids - http://www.corporatedruids.com/- and I facilitated - the first session a few months before the war ended in May 2009 and this particular program, a few months after.  

Tensions were high as the Sri Lankan government and the Sinhala people felt triumphant after the end of the war leaving the minority communities vulnerable. Many of us felt the war had taken the soul out of beautiful and diverse Sri Lanka and there were really no winners.  Everyone lost something during the war, starting from our innocence to the many lives.

Therefore, it was heartening to be a part of this project to train a talented core group of university students from different communities - on leadership, team work, emotional to relationship intelligence, dealing with cross-cultural issues and conflict, mindfulness, project management, design and facilitation of training programs.  They formed the core group, called it SITHEN to honor the diverse people who spoke Sinhala, Tamil and the English languages in Sri Lanka.

The core group, with our support, designed the Intercultural Dialogue project and the two sessions bringing university students (60 for the first program and 80 students for the second) from the different regions and communities – Sinhala, Tamil, Muslim and Burgher – together to take the first steps to reconcile differences and to realize how similar everyone was.  It was in finding our common humanity everyone was able to transcend those differences, often prejudiced through the influence of parents and family, community leaders, schools, society, media and even the government.  

This is such a story written by me, published in the Sri Lankan newspaper Sunday Times on 11^th November 2009 as it brought home to me through an amazing chance encounter. 

I dedicate this story to my friend, P. Thillainathan who passed away in 2011.

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11th November 2009
  

“We Tamils are ever friends with you….”

An accidental encounter with the son of a childhood friend from pre-war Jaffna brings nostalgia and hope

Sitting in the train to Jaffna on that August day in 1973, discovering a landscape I had never seen before is vivid in my memory. The 4th Kandy Boy Scout Troop from St. Anthony’s College headed by Scout Master Senarath Basnayake was on an adventure of discovery.  It was an exciting trip, like going to another country - men in white vetties, women in colourful saris, the rickshaws, many Austin A 40s parked in a row, interesting aromas coming from the streetside vendors aroused my senses that this was all different.  Our hosts from Jaffna Hindu College guided us through the streets to the school which was going to be our home for the next few days.  Each of us were assigned mentors and P. Thillainathan - wide smile and friendly - introduced himself to me.   The next few days we had various Scouting activities including an early morning hike to Point Pedro.  We woke up at 3 a.m. and three hours later we walked into the white sands of Point Pedro to a glorious sunrise and a cup of kitul palm toddy.   What stuck in my mind the most was how friendly everyone was. Thillai took me to his home for a night where I got a real taste of Jaffna hospitality. I was  looked after like one of their own. I left Jaffna with a heavy heart, hoping that someday I will return.  Before we left, our new Scout friends – Puvirajasingham, Vivekanandan, Yoganathan, Muruganandan, Amaranath, Balachandran, Mahes and Navaratna Rajah - wrote goodbyes in my log book, which I cherish to this date.  One from Mahes said, “We Tamils are ever friends with you”. Thillai wrote, “Hope we will meet again and again.” Thillai also gave me a photograph of himself which was my reminder of those good times.  Thillai and I corresponded regularly and continued for a few years after I immigrated to Canada in late 1973. I lost touch with him about 1977 and never heard again from him. Over the years, I wondered about Thillai and by that time the war had broken out. Yet, I yearned to meet him again, but feared whether the worst had happened during the conflict. Intercultural Dialogue The second Intercultural Dialogue (SITHEN) workshop organized by a core group of university students for other students was held at the MAS Institute for Management and Technology in Thulhiriya in September. The first workshop held in Polonnaruwa in April this year did not have the participation of Jaffna University students as they did not obtain Defence Ministry approval to travel south. The war was yet raging.To our delight, in September British Council who sponsors this project informed us that Jaffna University was participating. On the day one of the programme, I wanted to talk to the Jaffna students to get some impressions of life there but found no time. On day two during afternoon tea, I found the Jaffna team sitting outside and struck up a conversation. I mentioned that I had visited Jaffna in 1973 with my Scout Troop. They all joked saying that they were not even thought of then as they were born in the late 1980s. My attention was focused on Arjuna, with a wide pleasant smile who then said, “My father was a Queen Scout at Jaffna Hindu College and he would have been there in 1973”. I asked his name and he said, “P. Thillainathan!”  I choked on hearing this. Not in my wildest thoughts had I imagined that there could be a connection with Thillai here. Watching all this was Lufthi, a SITHEN team member from the University of Peradeniya. Lufthi got excited and yelled out, “Call him, call him” to Arjuna. Then I quietly asked him whether he was still around and to my relief Arjuna said, “Yes, he is a retired banker from Hatton National Bank and now lives in Manipay”. The mobile signal in Manipay was not good, but we managed to have a conversation and I could not believe this was happening.  It was surreal. I later wondered as I told the tale to my wife Samantha on the phone and she said, “There must be an energy that drew you to Arjuna out of everyone else there”. The purpose of the SITHEN workshop is to bring the different communities together, especially with a focus on the divided Sinhala and Tamil students.  The Jaffna students told me how amazed they were at the way they have been welcomed by the southern Sinhala and Muslim students. Living all their life through the war in the north, their perception of the Sinhala people as oppressors was very different to the warmth and the hospitality they were experiencing here. Maran, just graduated in Bio-Science from Jaffna said, “We are so happy that our Sinhala friends accepted our side of the story”. He was talking of the debate, discussion and a dialoguing session that formed the process of learning about each other, putting the past to rest and forging a new future together. Maran went on to tell me that Nishanthi, the only girl in the Jaffna delegation was so fearful of coming south, but now having made some wonderful friends already, did not want to go back.   As I sit here with these 60 students from Colombo, Moratuwa, Jayewardenepura, Kelaniya, Peradeniya and Jaffna Universities, the positive energy and hope in the room is palpable. So much so that I feel compassion for those people who live their lives with the certainty that every Tamil is a Tiger and every Sinhalese a racist. Immersed in this fear and hate, they are missing out on the richness of humanity, the understanding and love that is natural to us all and fail to see the uncertainty of our being, the feeling of oneness with the universe – being interconnected – that our own Vedic and Buddhist philosophies espouse.  Even if these perceptions were true, I see the importance of dialoguing, opening the lines of communication in a creative way, finding a middle path to enable skilful discussion in a safe environment to address the past and look to a common future. This is what the workshop offered everyone and it easily achieved its objectives.  The sessions focused on dealing with the practical challenge in the universities with the polarization of the three communities and sought ways to creatively work towards bringing them together.  After the dialogue, there was a call to shed old thoughts, perceptions, prejudices – write what you wanted to change on a paper and a symbolic gesture of throwing it into the garbage and burning it. Thushara, a Moratuwa University student came to the middle and said, “I no longer call myself a Sinhala, I am Sri Lankan” to loud cheers and then someone else wondered, “In calling ourselves Sri Lankans, do we rid ourselves of the Sinhala and the Tamil identities ?” a question that we may all ponder as no one had an answer.  Thillai being alive and well made my peace more complete as Sri Lanka as a nation works towards peace, as I often wondered whether he had been a victim of the war too. Indeed the Thillainathans were victims as their home was destroyed in the war and they lost everything, including the photos I had sent them.  I count my blessings as I never lost those seemingly insignificant symbols of the past that give me a sense of comfort, security and continuity. My photo of Thillai and the old Scout log book from the 1970s remain intact.  “We Tamils are ever friends with you.” Thank you, Thillai and friends for reassuring me of that. I did wonder from time to time, but never lost hope. The 4th Kandy Boy Scout Troop in Jaffna - 1973