Anchor on the Power of Values - The Process and Practice

The Process:

Every so often a client calls me to help a manager deal with an errant team.  They could be senior people in a technical area, sometimes have their own teams to lead, required to work together as a cross functional team to deliver the product or service. Often they are personality clashes even fraught with allegations of racism, so being foisted into such a situation is to enter a Lion’s den.  

I don’t blame any particular person for these situations, except that in the modern organization, busy keeping up with the lightening speed of change, with high expectations and doing more with less, have let go of a fundamental piece of management, which is to lead – do all the soft stuff to keep a team humming. 

I find most managers in these situations barely hold onto the reins, micro-managing and fire fighting to keep it moving forward, so there is no time to even breathe, let alone lead.  This way of working and the system that supports it breeds a reptilian behaviour among the team – competition, a lack of trust, disrespect – leading to a drop in quality and productivity and more insidious, health and well being threats to the team members. 

I have to be creative to help them to help themselves and come out unscathed, especially if the expectation is that I have a magic wand.  I need to then anchor this situation on a foundation.    

Anchor on Values

I ask the manager, “does your organization have a set of Values?”.  There is a usual pause, perhaps a feeling of embarrassment as I prompt the manager with, “It is ok, most organizations with articulated Values have not shared them properly.  They are too busy working”.  

 

I explain that one way to bring everyone to a common platform is to ground this intervention from a non-threatening place – it is not about them, it can be about Values.

I am relieved when the manager sends me the Values.  There are the standard - Respect, Integrity and Professionalism + articulated in a variety of ways. 

I integrate the Values as a part of the hand out material and on the day, after the introductions, provide a perspective to take away the notion from a few at least – “this guy is here because of me”.   I focus on the collective to come together for a common cause and Values are a wonderful way to rally a team together. 

Values Alive 

The most important part of Values is about transforming the words to life - the link to behaviours and actions. 

I begin by asking each participant to reflect on what these Values mean and write them, in terms of behaviours - "what I expect of myself and others".  I ask them to assess whether the team works within these and put a mirror on self too – not an easy task.  The idea is to internalize the exercise, rather than it being an impersonal intellectual one.  

As each participant writes their thoughts, I ask people to pair up and compare notes to find common ground.  Typically, with a team of about 12 people, I then ask to expand the group-work to 4 people.  By this time, the energy level is getting better, as people voice their ideas and articulate feelings and needs, in relation to the Values – there is also a sense of ownership brewing.  

The Code of Practice 

After seeking comments in a plenary, I invite the entire team to self-facilitate a session to articulate and list a common Code of Practice for the team based on the Values. 

After about 20 minutes the team comes up with 4-5 items for the code. 

As we regroup, I ask for comments and reflections on their Code of Practice – is everyone in agreement, is it realistic, can it be monitored and evaluated, how can it be reinforced, will it help them to focus better on their work, to be rational and logical?. 

This usually raises some excitement with the possibilities and expectations, as everyone is stressed out - drained from the negative energy derived from the status-quo of constant storming and conflict.

I facilitate a discussion on how they would make this Code of Practice a reality and what strategies they would use to do so. 

Typically, they come up with ideas like;

• Begin every team meeting by reflecting on the Code of Practice
• Everyone should make a copy and put on their workstation
• Share with the family and have a copy at home, on the fridge or a notice board.
• Recognize and reward each other for trying hard to     follow the code 

• Wit this simple exercise on Values - we are able to deflect the acrimonious relationships that were a result of not having a behavioral framework to stay within.  The most important part of this process is that the team did it themselves – so there is meaning and purpose in being guided by their own Code of Practice. There is ownership for the process and the outcome.
  

The Practice:

Moving away from the Reptilian Refuge

When work is challenging and relationships are difficult, the threat takes us to a reptilian reaction for self preservation and there is no need to apologize for that.  This is the "storming" part that is a natural part of every team as they "form" to move towards "performing".

 

 

Tuckman's Team Development Process

The "storming" stage can be fraught with anxiety and fear that may result in disrespectful behaviour - phantom demons lurking around the corner - as our imagination and ego runs wild at 750 words per minute with ruminative thoughts like, “he does not like me, so I am getting all the messy jobs” or “I am going to get a bad performance evaluation because of my colleague and they are trying to push me out of my job”.

 

These thoughts may be totally irrational. Yet when we are stuck in a situation it is difficult to see the wood from the trees. Having an anchor of Values, and an agreement of how we are going to behave when the chips are down, as things go wrong, mistakes are made – are we going to run for cover, point fingers, get mad at each other or, we can to take a deep breath and get some space to assess the scene, as we had agreed through the Code of Practice?.   

This way, we seek a more skillful path towards "norming" and "performing"by acting positively when there is potential for conflict, for more clarity and understanding based on trust, so the collective emotional fallout from any situation is minimized, making room for rational and logical ways to solve the issue and move forward.  

Mindful Personal Practice

Having a Code of Practice alone may not suffice for many.  We require some tools and the skill to pause, to catch ourselves first before we react when things go wrong.  One way to do this is a through process I have incorporated based on the Non Violent Communications (NVC) practice. 

When I perceive a threat, I take a deep breath and ask 4 questions for clarity; 

    1.    What am I observing?

    2.    What am I feeling?

    3.    What am I needing?

    4.    What am I requesting myself to do?

Practicing this on a regular basis with patience helps me to internalize the process and make it habitual. As we rarely have the luxury of time to ask all the questions at the heat of the moment, at least, I am training myself to take a deep breath and say “observe”.   

This stops my auto-pilot reaction, giving me space of 5 seconds to recognize the negative energy I am getting dragged into and gain clarity to act differently.    

When we gain the space to act more skillfully, the clarity of the Code of Practice is a good anchor to fall back on.  

Then again, we are all fallible beings, we will drop the ball every so often, we may utter a word in a certain tone in haste, we may not feel up to it that day – it is to give each other the benefit of the doubt and to believe that most people have good intentions with an open heart to work together to find meaning and purpose in our work.    

I have seen great organizations and I have seen some move from not being so good to great organizations. Apart from exemplary leadership (The Level 5 Leader – humility yet toughness to move forward with a vision), when each team member takes personal responsibility to live the Values through the Code of Practice, we can create a happy workplace to be productive and thrive in.

Commit to a set of core Values that you will want to build your enterprise on, without changing them, for 100 years” – 

Jim Collins – Author of Good to Great.

A Reconciliation Story from Sri Lanka

I was privileged to be a Leadership Trainer and Consultant to the British Council in Sri Lanka during the period 2000 – 2011 mostly at the height of the civil war.  Sanjeevani Munasinghe, head of programs at the council, in the delivery of programs, ensured that we contributed towards peace in our own small way.  We not only mixed the genders, we also mixed Sinhala,Tamil and Muslim schools in most of the programs (Dreams + Teams, Connected Classrooms, Intercultural Dialogue and more) to help keep the grass roots together as the government and the Liberation Tamil Tigers of Ealam fought the horrible war.    

The story below comes from an Intercultural Dialogue program  my colleague Mihirini De Zoysa – Corporate Druids - http://www.corporatedruids.com/- and I facilitated - the first session a few months before the war ended in May 2009 and this particular program, a few months after.  

Tensions were high as the Sri Lankan government and the Sinhala people felt triumphant after the end of the war leaving the minority communities vulnerable. Many of us felt the war had taken the soul out of beautiful and diverse Sri Lanka and there were really no winners.  Everyone lost something during the war, starting from our innocence to the many lives.

Therefore, it was heartening to be a part of this project to train a talented core group of university students from different communities - on leadership, team work, emotional to relationship intelligence, dealing with cross-cultural issues and conflict, mindfulness, project management, design and facilitation of training programs.  They formed the core group, called it SITHEN to honor the diverse people who spoke Sinhala, Tamil and the English languages in Sri Lanka.

The core group, with our support, designed the Intercultural Dialogue project and the two sessions bringing university students (60 for the first program and 80 students for the second) from the different regions and communities – Sinhala, Tamil, Muslim and Burgher – together to take the first steps to reconcile differences and to realize how similar everyone was.  It was in finding our common humanity everyone was able to transcend those differences, often prejudiced through the influence of parents and family, community leaders, schools, society, media and even the government.  

This is such a story written by me, published in the Sri Lankan newspaper Sunday Times on 11^th November 2009 as it brought home to me through an amazing chance encounter. 

I dedicate this story to my friend, P. Thillainathan who passed away in 2011.

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11th November 2009
  

“We Tamils are ever friends with you….”

An accidental encounter with the son of a childhood friend from pre-war Jaffna brings nostalgia and hope

Sitting in the train to Jaffna on that August day in 1973, discovering a landscape I had never seen before is vivid in my memory. The 4th Kandy Boy Scout Troop from St. Anthony’s College headed by Scout Master Senarath Basnayake was on an adventure of discovery.  It was an exciting trip, like going to another country - men in white vetties, women in colourful saris, the rickshaws, many Austin A 40s parked in a row, interesting aromas coming from the streetside vendors aroused my senses that this was all different.  Our hosts from Jaffna Hindu College guided us through the streets to the school which was going to be our home for the next few days.  Each of us were assigned mentors and P. Thillainathan - wide smile and friendly - introduced himself to me.   The next few days we had various Scouting activities including an early morning hike to Point Pedro.  We woke up at 3 a.m. and three hours later we walked into the white sands of Point Pedro to a glorious sunrise and a cup of kitul palm toddy.   What stuck in my mind the most was how friendly everyone was. Thillai took me to his home for a night where I got a real taste of Jaffna hospitality. I was  looked after like one of their own. I left Jaffna with a heavy heart, hoping that someday I will return.  Before we left, our new Scout friends – Puvirajasingham, Vivekanandan, Yoganathan, Muruganandan, Amaranath, Balachandran, Mahes and Navaratna Rajah - wrote goodbyes in my log book, which I cherish to this date.  One from Mahes said, “We Tamils are ever friends with you”. Thillai wrote, “Hope we will meet again and again.” Thillai also gave me a photograph of himself which was my reminder of those good times.  Thillai and I corresponded regularly and continued for a few years after I immigrated to Canada in late 1973. I lost touch with him about 1977 and never heard again from him. Over the years, I wondered about Thillai and by that time the war had broken out. Yet, I yearned to meet him again, but feared whether the worst had happened during the conflict. Intercultural Dialogue The second Intercultural Dialogue (SITHEN) workshop organized by a core group of university students for other students was held at the MAS Institute for Management and Technology in Thulhiriya in September. The first workshop held in Polonnaruwa in April this year did not have the participation of Jaffna University students as they did not obtain Defence Ministry approval to travel south. The war was yet raging.To our delight, in September British Council who sponsors this project informed us that Jaffna University was participating. On the day one of the programme, I wanted to talk to the Jaffna students to get some impressions of life there but found no time. On day two during afternoon tea, I found the Jaffna team sitting outside and struck up a conversation. I mentioned that I had visited Jaffna in 1973 with my Scout Troop. They all joked saying that they were not even thought of then as they were born in the late 1980s. My attention was focused on Arjuna, with a wide pleasant smile who then said, “My father was a Queen Scout at Jaffna Hindu College and he would have been there in 1973”. I asked his name and he said, “P. Thillainathan!”  I choked on hearing this. Not in my wildest thoughts had I imagined that there could be a connection with Thillai here. Watching all this was Lufthi, a SITHEN team member from the University of Peradeniya. Lufthi got excited and yelled out, “Call him, call him” to Arjuna. Then I quietly asked him whether he was still around and to my relief Arjuna said, “Yes, he is a retired banker from Hatton National Bank and now lives in Manipay”. The mobile signal in Manipay was not good, but we managed to have a conversation and I could not believe this was happening.  It was surreal. I later wondered as I told the tale to my wife Samantha on the phone and she said, “There must be an energy that drew you to Arjuna out of everyone else there”. The purpose of the SITHEN workshop is to bring the different communities together, especially with a focus on the divided Sinhala and Tamil students.  The Jaffna students told me how amazed they were at the way they have been welcomed by the southern Sinhala and Muslim students. Living all their life through the war in the north, their perception of the Sinhala people as oppressors was very different to the warmth and the hospitality they were experiencing here. Maran, just graduated in Bio-Science from Jaffna said, “We are so happy that our Sinhala friends accepted our side of the story”. He was talking of the debate, discussion and a dialoguing session that formed the process of learning about each other, putting the past to rest and forging a new future together. Maran went on to tell me that Nishanthi, the only girl in the Jaffna delegation was so fearful of coming south, but now having made some wonderful friends already, did not want to go back.   As I sit here with these 60 students from Colombo, Moratuwa, Jayewardenepura, Kelaniya, Peradeniya and Jaffna Universities, the positive energy and hope in the room is palpable. So much so that I feel compassion for those people who live their lives with the certainty that every Tamil is a Tiger and every Sinhalese a racist. Immersed in this fear and hate, they are missing out on the richness of humanity, the understanding and love that is natural to us all and fail to see the uncertainty of our being, the feeling of oneness with the universe – being interconnected – that our own Vedic and Buddhist philosophies espouse.  Even if these perceptions were true, I see the importance of dialoguing, opening the lines of communication in a creative way, finding a middle path to enable skilful discussion in a safe environment to address the past and look to a common future. This is what the workshop offered everyone and it easily achieved its objectives.  The sessions focused on dealing with the practical challenge in the universities with the polarization of the three communities and sought ways to creatively work towards bringing them together.  After the dialogue, there was a call to shed old thoughts, perceptions, prejudices – write what you wanted to change on a paper and a symbolic gesture of throwing it into the garbage and burning it. Thushara, a Moratuwa University student came to the middle and said, “I no longer call myself a Sinhala, I am Sri Lankan” to loud cheers and then someone else wondered, “In calling ourselves Sri Lankans, do we rid ourselves of the Sinhala and the Tamil identities ?” a question that we may all ponder as no one had an answer.  Thillai being alive and well made my peace more complete as Sri Lanka as a nation works towards peace, as I often wondered whether he had been a victim of the war too. Indeed the Thillainathans were victims as their home was destroyed in the war and they lost everything, including the photos I had sent them.  I count my blessings as I never lost those seemingly insignificant symbols of the past that give me a sense of comfort, security and continuity. My photo of Thillai and the old Scout log book from the 1970s remain intact.  “We Tamils are ever friends with you.” Thank you, Thillai and friends for reassuring me of that. I did wonder from time to time, but never lost hope. The 4th Kandy Boy Scout Troop in Jaffna - 1973

Finding Balance in Warp Speed Organizations - Uncertainty, Rituals to Equanimity

Organizations have become stressful places because scarcity and competition is the norm for most - do more faster with less for efficiency and profit.  This changes what many of us thought of as certain – a job for life, a safe, happy place to work and grow and the security of it. 

It is a difficult challenge for most in the modern world, which purports the illusion that everything is certain and permanent, when nothing is permanently satisfying nor dependable.  Modern consumer society, through education and the media, deludes our senses with a certainty of the material world, so we work and play hard – yet when we do stop and reflect something gnaws away at us – we are not quite satisfied with the result. 

Deep down, we know that nothing is for sure, but bombardment of the message of instant gratification with a mirage of certainty keeps us occupied and out of balance.  This delusion has us searching for happiness in the wrong places.         

We know birth and death is certain, as with suffering there is bound to be happiness too; times of fame will balance with periods of insignificance; praised at times and there will be blame too; good health could be followed by illness; we gain some and lose some - all a part of the ebb and flow of life.    

Our challenge is to live well and find peace with this see-saw of pleasure and pain. Impermanent nature of it all is stressful, made worse by our constant search for anchors of certainty.

What is counter intuitive in our search for certainty is that those anchors can be found within us through an inward gaze and mindfulness.  This is where a personal practice comes in. 

Importance of Rituals

In a 2001 Harvard Business Review article The Making of a Corporate Athlete written by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwarts presented the “Performance Pyramid”, an elegant way of finding anchors in our fast paced chaotic world.

Loehr and Schwarts present this model in a corporate context, as what prevails in the world prevails for organizations.

The Performance Pyramid - Loehr and Schwartz

The pyramid shows that a combination of physical, emotional, mental capacity is required to reach a spiritual capacity.  This spiritual capacity - finding meaning in our lives is what helps us to be grounded and skillful with uncertainty and chaos. 

Attaining this requires a combination of an inward gaze and inquiry to the rituals - exercise, sports, quiet time, yoga, meditation to good eating habits, sound sleep, cultivating trustful, compassionate relationships and a happy demeanor.
   

Happy People at Google

Organizations like Google have realized this secret as their emotional intelligence expert and engineer, Chade-Meng Tan articulates in his talk at the UN in 2012.  Google’s goal of creating a happy and a compassionate workplace has paid dividends in innovation, productivity and profits.  

                                                   

Their signature program Search Inside Yourself has three steps; 

1.    Attention Training

2.    Self Knowledge and Self Mastery

3.    Creating Useful Mental Habits

Tan states; “attention is the basis of all higher cognitive and emotional abilities. Attention training creates a quality of mind that is calm and clear - the foundation for emotional intelligence.”

Emotional Intelligence, Self Knowledge and Mastery

Emotions are based on our needs and feelings. When our needs (or wants) are not met for certainty and order, we become anxious and may feel fear.  Meditation is the way to develop that attention and focus to keep our thoughts in check, as we are not our thoughts.  We can change the narrative of our thoughts when we find space to validate the needs that give rise to feelings. 

Training our minds to focus, we have clarity on our cognitive and emotive processes and able to question feelings that arise.  We gain power when we are able to observe our thought process objectively and discern whether the needs we perceive, poses a real threat or not.   

For instance, cut backs in some organizations mean sharing a workstation, thereby losing one’s own personal space.  This takes away a certain security – personalizing our own space with pictures of loved ones and decoration does give a sense of belonging and certainty.  So this change can throw us off balance.  This is uncertainty at work.

We may adjust our need (or want) when we discern the threat of losing our workspace, put it in perspective (gratitude for the job we have and it's advantages) and adapt to the new situation.   

Self knowledge is then our ability to discern real and perceived threats and that enables self-mastery.

With self mastery, we have more control over how we react to our changing environment, to realize what is real or not and take action. With self mastery we can question our habits and change them. 

Self mastery enables us to be creative and counter intuitive. In uncertain times, it is good to build trust in our work environment by being more open and generous rather than feed our selfish needs and wants. Good mental habits make it easier for us to look beyond ourselves.

Making Others Happy; Useful Mental Habits

Creating useful mental habits with good intentions is crucial for turning our own emotional intelligence to high relationship intelligence.    

Tan goes onto say, "Imagine whenever you meet anybody, your habitual, instinctive first thought is, I wish for this person to be happy. Having such habits changes everything at work, because this sincere goodwill is picked up unconsciously by others, and you create the type of trust that leads to highly productive collaborations.”    

My Sacred Time

Meditating in a mini-forest in Ottawa

My own daily sacred time for exercise and mediation includes an affirmation, where I say to myself; “How can I make someone happy today?”

This habit opens my heart and mind to be generous to help others in any way, from something simple as holding a door open to larger acts that require time, effort and even letting go of something that may be important to me.  I then appreciate the opportunities to help others as it helps me put life in a better perspective. 

Cultivating a mental habit of generosity, without expectations, enable me to live through my uncertain life with more grace and equanimity.  It creates abundance rather than scarcity. 

Committing to a Personal Practice

As our professional lives and workplaces become more complex and uncertain, a personal practice of meditation, exercise, yoga complemented by good eating, sound sleep and wonderful relationships is a good strategy to anchor our certainty in, so we can show up strong and confident to do our good work. When we feel good, we feed into a happy workplace.   

Google, founded by two people out of idealism to become a $ 21 billion company has the formula for success by creating a happy and compassionate workplace.  

"Touchy-feely stuff" takes many of us out of our comfort zones as happiness and compassion does not seem compatible with work.  Yet a lack of happiness in a place, where we spend more time than home can impact on our health and well-being.  If that is the case, getting out of our comfort zones may be a good thing to find happiness – even if it is at work. 

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