I have posted it in the Mindful Balance Blogsite as certain social media platforms do not allow overseas news articles to be shared. This is another way to share this article published in "The Morning" E-Paper published on 22nd June 2026.
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- Men have been conditioned to believe they must earn, protect, and never cry
- Too often, parents force their will on their children
Research shows that children with engaged fathers grow up more confident and resilient, yet, fatherhood often gets overlooked in parenting conversations. For Father’s Day in 2026, Kaleidoscope shifted the spotlight to dads.
Parent first and then entrepreneur, educator and mindfulness practitioner, Lalith Gunaratne believes that parenting is the most important work that we will ever do. He joined us to explore his insights on fatherhood, mindful parenting and the lasting impact that fathers have on families and communities.
Following are excerpts of the interview:
You list parent at the top of your LinkedIn profile. What is your rationale?
I think that it’s the most noble undertaking that any person can take and I feel that if you let that go, you let society go.
Do you think that fatherhood has shaped your identity? How central is it to your identity and personality? And, do fathers actually know this?
I had to grow into it and be given the space to come to terms with it. It wasn’t easy. I give full credit to my wife Samantha for helping me understand the importance of fatherhood. I am a free spirit and a practical joker, and I played a few well-meaning practical jokes on the kids. But, understanding fatherhood and taking it seriously was very much Samantha’s doing. What has rewarded me the most is that today, with Sasha being 34 and the youngest 27, they still speak to me with respect. We are more like friends now because our relationship is built on mutual respect. I started that from the time that they were three or four years old – giving them space and never threatening them.
I did threaten them a couple of times, especially Natalia, who was incorrigible and always wanted to test the boundaries. I realised that I lost my power when I did that, so I stopped. Instead, we built a relationship based on trust, mutual respect, and a lot of love. That is what humbled me the most as a father.
What are the myths or societal attitudes that you would like to dispel about fathers?
One thing I’ve heard many fathers say is that they would never change a daughter’s diaper. Even though I’m quite finicky about those things, I did it. There was never any barrier in that relationship. I also tried very hard to be fair to both the boys and the girls, and to give them the freedom to make their own decisions. I had my biases, like everybody does, and I shared them honestly. I would say my piece about who to bring home and who not to bring home, I also made it clear that whoever they chose, I would accept them. I also came to terms with issues around gender and sexuality. My message was simple: whoever you are, we will accept you. It is unconditional love.
Too often, parents force their will on their children. We need boundaries and we need to model good behaviour, we also need to give them space.
You call fatherhood our most important work. Why do you think that fatherhood is less talked about than motherhood?
Naturally, for biological reasons, mothers have a very special bond with their children, and I could never compete with that. My role involved many responsibilities outside the home – protecting the family, earning an income, and managing external pressures. I was often away when the children were very young because I travelled extensively for work. I made sure that I was there for birthdays, Christmases, and sports meets. Being self-employed also gave me the flexibility to take extended breaks and travel with the family. We spent time in Germany and Canada visiting relatives and those trips created very special bonding moments.
The challenge is that fathers are often focused on external responsibilities and that’s where the bond can weaken. The relationship breaks down when fathers come home only to lay down rules, impose expectations, or issue threats. It is also important to understand the different stages of a child’s development, from total dependency in early childhood to the independence and resistance that emerge later, especially during the teenage years.
The mother’s bond often develops naturally. Fathers have to work harder to maintain theirs, particularly during adolescence when children no longer want to spend as much time with you. It takes commitment, I consciously adapted my relationship with my children as they grew older to keep that connection alive.
You mentioned that being self-employed gave you flexibility. What advice would you give fathers who don’t have that luxury and are trying to balance work and family life?
I think that sacrifice is essential. We have to give something up. Whether it’s a game with friends or another commitment, we need to make room for our children if we want to maintain that relationship. It doesn’t take much. Sometimes, it’s simply having an authentic conversation or taking the time to answer a question instead of brushing them aside because you’re busy.
Children see you as their hero. If you consistently fail to show up for them, they eventually stop looking to you. One commitment that we made as a family is to have dinner together. I worked hard to make that happen. There were many occasions when friends invited me out on the way home and I had to say no because I wanted to be there for dinner. Those conversations around the table became the anchor of our family life. They helped strengthen the bond between the siblings and gave everyone a chance to express themselves.
I also tried to model respectful behaviour – making sure that quieter children had space to speak and encouraging everyone to listen to one another. If I was home when they came back from school, I’d ask simple questions like, ‘Did you learn anything new today?’ or ‘Did you meet anybody new today?’ Those conversations helped them become curious, confident and capable of navigating a world that is increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. My training in applied psychology also helped me understand the importance of those daily interactions.
Q: How can a father maintain boundaries, be a friend, and still instill discipline without becoming authoritarian?
A: It is a delicate balance, but, I don’t think that you need to impose discipline if you’ve already agreed on what is right and wrong. Samantha taught me the importance of establishing clear boundaries early on. For example, we agreed that swearing was unacceptable. We discussed expectations openly as a family. When we moved to Canada, the children had responsibilities and chores. But, instead of assigning them, we discussed who would do what and reached an agreement together.
When you build that kind of relationship from the time that they’re four or five years old, children generally respect those boundaries. Of course, they will make mistakes. They will get into arguments, take risks and sometimes make poor choices. That is part of growing up. The key is to provide a strong foundation: don’t hurt people, don’t insult people, and be respectful. Beyond that, children need room to learn. Awareness and open discussion are far more effective than authoritarian discipline.
We always hear that ‘boys don’t cry’. Are fathers allowed to cry, show emotion, and be vulnerable?’
Absolutely. I was fortunate because my parents were emotionally aware. My father was a teacher and principal. I didn’t often see him cry, he wasn’t the stereotypical father who believed that certain tasks were beneath him. He washed his own plate and boiled the kettle for my mother every morning.
As a child, I was very emotional. I would cry at the drop of a hat. Eventually, I learned to suppress it because I was being bullied. That pressure came from peers and from society’s expectations of what a boy should be. Today, I’m happy to cry during a movie. I cried when my father died and when my mother died. societal expectations still make it difficult for many men to show vulnerability.
I believe that one of the biggest problems in the world today is that men have been conditioned to believe that they must earn, protect, and never cry. Many fathers still dismiss emotional expression as weakness. That is changing, but, men are still finding their footing in a world that increasingly expects them to be softer, kinder, and more emotionally present. That is why it’s important for men to have these conversations. I am part of a few men’s groups where we talk openly, and yes, men cry. Those conversations are crucial. If we don’t process our emotions, we end up hurting ourselves and others.
Do fathers say sorry?
Absolutely. I felt a tremendous sense of liberation when I first apologised to my children. I started doing that when they were very young. As I mentioned, I sometimes pushed boundaries too far. When I realised that I had disrespected them or made a mistake, I apologised.
Being willing to say sorry strengthens children because it shows humility and accountability. Acknowledging that you’ve made a mistake is one of the most powerful things that a father can do and it’s incredibly liberating.
In today’s fast-paced world, what are the three things that you would suggest to fathers?
First, become aware of your own emotions. I am a strong believer in mindfulness, reflection, and meditation. Fathers need space to understand their triggers, reflect on their relationships, and examine how they interact with their children and spouse.
Second, never threaten a child. Statements like, ‘As long as you’re living under my roof, you’ll live by my rules’ are a complete cop-out. The moment that you resort to threats, you lose your power and your influence. Third, always remain open-minded. Your children will make choices that you don’t always agree with. They will bring people into their lives whom you may not immediately like. Bite your lip and give it time. If you force your opinions on them, they’ll only become more resistant. Our children still tell me that whenever I push too hard, they instinctively resist. That is human nature. So, stay open, stay patient, and trust them to find their own path.
The writer is the host, director, and co-producer of the weekly digital programme ‘Kaleidoscope with Savithri Rodrigo’ which can be viewed on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. She has over three decades of experience in print, electronic, and social media
