Fatherhood: The Most Important Leadership Role I Ever Had

Reflections on Mindful Parenting, Emotional Presence and Raising the Next Generation

I was grateful to be invited by Savithri Rodrigo on her programme - Kaleidoscope - to reflect on a subject that is deeply personal to me - fatherhood, parenting and the responsibility we carry in shaping the future through our children.   That is why I call parenting the most noble undertaking.

While the conversation was featured around Father’s Day, my belief is that every day is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. Parenting is not a celebration for one day; it is a lifelong practice, a commitment, a privilege and perhaps the most important work any human being can undertake.

I am a parent first - before I am an entrepreneur, educator, leadership coach or mindfulness practitioner. I believe that if we neglect parenting, we ultimately weaken society itself.  The values, emotional intelligence, resilience and compassion that children develop within families become the foundation of the communities they create.

Fatherhood is a Journey of Awareness

Fatherhood did not come with an instruction manual. I had to grow into it.

Longleat, England

I give great credit to Samantha - my life partner - for helping me understand the depth and importance of this role.  I have always been a free spirit, someone who enjoys humour and playfulness and I brought that side into parenting, but I had to be humbled to take the responsibility seriously.   

Understanding that responsibility of being a father - not just providing, but truly being present - was a journey.

Today, with our children Sacha being 34 and the youngest Rahel 27, Natalya 32 and Aitana 30, what gives me the greatest joy is that our relationship has evolved into one of mutual respect and friendship.

Whistler, British Columbia

That foundation was built when they were young.  I consciously kept things light and joyful and tried not to create fear in the relationship.  I learned that threats and intimidation did not create respect - they diminished me and the children which created distance.

There were moments when I made mistakes. There were times when I reacted instead of responding.  One of the greatest lessons fatherhood taught me was humility: when I am wrong, apologize.

A father saying “I was wrong” strengthens the trust and honour them as significant people.

The Myth of the “Strong Father”

Many men have grown up with the belief that being a father means you must always earn, protect, provide and remain emotionally strong.

But strength is not the absence of emotion.

One of the biggest challenges facing men today is that many have been conditioned to believe they must never cry, never show vulnerability and always have the answers.

Parents and Granma -Sri Lanka

I was fortunate to grow up with parents who demonstrated emotional awareness. My father was a teacher and principal.  He was a humble man - yet had the inner strength to rise to occasion when needed and he showed emotion.  

He was not the stereotypical father who believed certain responsibilities were beneath him in a stratified society as it was in Sri Lanka - where we had domestic help at home.  He put the kettle on first thing in the morning, made tea or our mother and the staff.  He washed his own plate and showed everyday acts of care – when there were others to do this – which was a great example to me.

As a child, I was very emotional. I cried easily.  But like many boys, I learned to suppress those emotions because society often teaches boys that vulnerability is weakness.

Today, I see things differently. I believe emotional awareness is one of the greatest strengths a person can develop.

If we do not understand and process our own emotions, they eventually influence how we treat others.

This is why mindfulness, reflection and self-awareness are so important - especially for fathers and leaders.

Neuroscience validates Mindfulness 

Modern neuroscience increasingly validates what contemplative traditions have taught for thousands of years.  Dr. Iain McGilchrist argues that the two hemispheres of the brain offer complementary ways of attending to the world. 

The left hemisphere tends to focus on analysis, categorization and control, while the right hemisphere enables a broader, more relational awareness that supports empathy, presence, context and connection. 

Mindfulness helps cultivate this more integrated way of being, creating the space to respond with emotional awareness rather than react.  

For parents, this balance is invaluable and that is why I advocate a daily mindfulness practice to stay calm and grounded through the storms of life. (1)

Love requires boundaries, but not control

One of the most important lessons I learned as a parent is that children need both boundaries and freedom.

Too often, parents try to shape children according to their own expectations, dreams, fears or beliefs.

Our role is not to create a copy of ourselves.  Our role is to provide guidance, values and a safe foundation while allowing children to discover who they are.

Samantha and I always believed in clear principles: respect yourself, respect others, do not hurt people, do not insult people and take responsibility for your actions as there is a decorum - boundaries of behaviour in any society.  

We encouraged them to pay attention and be aware of what is happening around them.  Beyond those foundations, children need space to learn.

They will make mistakes. They will make choices we may not always agree with. That is part of becoming an independent human being.

When parents impose too much control, children often resist. When we build trust, communication and respect they are more likely to listen.

Being present matters more than being perfect

Sigiriya, Sri Lanka

Many fathers are carrying enormous responsibilities. Work, financial pressure and external commitments can make it difficult to be fully present.

I was fortunate that being self-employed gave me flexibility. However, presence is not only about having more time - it is about how we use the time we have.

Sometimes it is simply listening or answering a question instead of dismissing it because we are busy.

Sacred Time Around the Dinner Table 

One commitment we made as a family was to have dinner together whenever possible. Those conversations became the foundation of our connection. They allowed everyone to share, be heard and understand each other.

 Simple questions like:

“Did you learn anything new today?”

“Did you meet anybody interesting today?”

...created conversations that developed curiosity, confidence and awareness.

Those small moments become the memories children carry into adulthood.

The Courage to Adapt as Children Grow

Parenting changes through every stage of life.

When children are young, they depend on us completely.  As teenagers, they begin seeking independence and sometimes push away.

This is where many parents struggle.

The temptation is to increase control when what is actually needed is deeper understanding.

The relationship has to evolve.

A young child needs a protector, a teenager needs a guide and an adult child needs a trusted relationship.

Lake Louise, Alberta

The greatest reward is when your children no longer communicate with you out of obligation, but because they genuinely want to and we are there unconditionally to love and support them.

Three Reflections for Fathers Today

If I were to share three thoughts with fathers navigating today’s complex world, they would be:

1. Become aware of yourself.
Understand your emotions, your triggers, and your behaviours.  Mindfulness creates the space between reaction and response.

2. Never use fear as a parenting tool.
Threats may create temporary compliance, but they do not create trust or respect.  It is a misuse of your power as a parent – diminishing you and the children.

3. Stay open-minded.
Your children may choose paths different from what you imagined. They may bring different ideas, beliefs or people into their lives.  Take a deep breath, say 'observe', exhale and listen to understand with compassion - before judging.

The world our children are entering is volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous. They need more than academic knowledge or material success.  They need to be grounded in resilience, emotional intelligence, courage and confidence.

This is why they need parents who model the values we hope they will carry forward.

Fatherhood is not about being perfect.

It is about being present, learning, apologizing, growing and loving unconditionally.

Spartan Race, Calabogie, Ontario

Fatherhood is a form of leadership without a title. 

It requires the same qualities we look for in great leaders: awareness, humility, courage, patience, the ability to listen and the willingness to admit when we are wrong.

That is why I call parenting the most noble endeavors in life.  It may be the greatest leadership role any of us will ever have.

 Be Well, Be Happy.

 

With gratitude to Savithri Rodrigo and the Kaleidoscope team for creating the space for this conversation on conscious parenting and fatherhood.

Link to the Conversation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZg6x9GIgRQ

Link to the Article: https://www.themorning.lk/articles/vF3reMqtMMYN0IlE3McM

Reference

(1) McGilchrist, I. (2009/2019).
The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World. Yale University Press. McGilchrist argues that the two cerebral hemispheres represent complementary modes of attending to and engaging with reality. The left hemisphere specializes in analysis, categorisation and control, while the right hemisphere is dominant for broad attention, empathy, embodied awareness and relationships.